Remember Who You Are

Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I catch myself engaging in self-defeating thoughts... You aren't good enough for that. You are definitely not smart enough to ever do that. You aren't strong enough... Blah, blah, blah.

It is so easy in today's world to feel unworthy and lack confidence in our endeavors. It can be difficult to stay focused on our paths. We get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, what we should be thinking, what we should be wearing, what car we should be driving, etc. We live in a world of expectations, and sadly most of the time, I don't think they are our own expectations. There is nothing wrong with having high standards and living by those standards, but it is important to remember who's expectations you are striving for.

And don't shrink down because other people don't agree with how you are living your life and create their own expectations for you. If you are living your truth, and you feel good about it, it is no one else's judgment call to make on how you live your life. People will form their self-righteous opinions about you, and unfortunately that is their God-given right (people have the free will to be jerks). Ignore them, and find people that do support you.

Truth is, we weren't designed to be shrinking violets. We weren't created to simply exist and suffer. We are powerful beyond measure. We are all intelligent, creative, competent beings that have been given special talents and skills that are helpful in our lives to contribute to the greater good. Deep down, we all have something to give to the world, whether it is time, compassion, love, beauty, joy, intellect, peace, etc.

In the past, I spent far too much time worrying about what others thought of me. What a useless thing to do! Even if you are Mother Teresa, some people will still not like you and say mean things. This is just the hateful world we live in.

Now, it matters to me what I think of myself. Am I living truthfully? Am I kind to others? Do I do my best to make others lives better? Am I honest? Am I giving? If I can answer 'yes' to my own moral code of conduct, then it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks. No one really knows what is in your heart but you and your creator, so don't let others with extremely limited knowledge tell you who you are. In the end, we all end up alone, so who cares about the naysayers?  I am getting there...

Live Your Truth,

K

Quality Over Quantity

For many years, I have come to really, really dislike the holidays. Don't get me wrong; I love the sights, smells, and sounds. I love Christmas lights, especially the plain old white ones, traditional and classy. I love the smell of holiday baking. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I see houses in my neighborhood decorated beautifully. It makes me feel like a kid again. It is the impending feeling of overwhelming obligation that I despise...

We live in a society in which free thought is definitely not encouraged. We are told how to feel, what to think, what types of possessions we should want for, what food we should buy, etc. To me, the holidays have become a profitable extension of this ideology, some massive marketing machine exploiting the hard-working people of America. And what I have come to realize is that it makes me feel really dirty to contribute to it.

This year, I have a new mindset regarding the holidays. I am choosing to place my focus on what is important to me, which is love and family. I guess I was forced into this mindset against my will, as my health is in no position for me to go into overdrive this holiday season without serious consequences. In fact, I am fighting my first migraine in 4 months as I write this, which I am sure is partially from the stress of the season. Our bodies are very intelligent and capable folks...And after years of the fight or flight response triggered by  constant stress, your body will become extra-sensitive and highly delicate, capable of collapse at the slightest stressor.

This year, I am actually going to enjoy the holiday season, and do what I can to make it enjoyable for others. This year I am finally going for quality over quantity. I have been taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of my lovely surroundings when I visit my local downtown area for errands. I have been enjoying my favorite holiday beverages (dairy-free, of course) from my local coffee shop. I even had a slice of pumpkin pie!

I have gone to extra lengths to make sure my home is comfortable and inviting. It smells of vanilla and pine. I actually sent out Christmas cards to friends and family both far and near to let them know that they are always in our thoughts.

I am even taking a new approach to Christmas shopping. We all have more than we need, which is why all of our crap collects in closets and garages. I don't want to continue to teach my children to take more than they need in this world. I want to make sure that the people I love get items that are useful and something special to make them smile (we all deserve small luxuries!). I have also been doing most of my shopping at local businesses, when I can. I am tired of supporting the Big Box giants of the world. Yes, they may have cheaper prices, but we pay for it somewhere else. I'd rather help support my local economy and keep jobs available for my community.

It's only the first week of December, but since I have relaxed my standards of myself this holiday season, it is already that much more rewarding. I have decided to make my intention about enjoying the holiday season, and remembering what is truly important. And that has made all the difference.

PS - If you can, give this holiday season. Even if it's a dollar. The holidays are like a pep rally for mankind; a glimpse of what we could be all the time, if we all became the loving, giving species we were designed to be. What a perfect time to practice opening your heart!

Much Love,
K

Racism is Alive and Well...

According to Merriam-Webster online, racism is defined as the following:

- a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race


Now I will not speak about racism in the world today. I have been fortunate enough to travel a little, and I have found that far more people are loving and accepting of other races/cultures than not, which is an amazing achievement for the human race. However, in my small world, racism is alive and well. And before any of you get too high and mighty, I can think of people I know from every walk of life that are racist/prejudice. This isn't limited to "white" people, as is the general perception.

A large number of us that have family lineage that has been in America for generations are not strictly "white Europeans". Don't get me wrong...There is nothing wrong with people whom are fair-skinned or Europeans, however, there are people in this country that are still hateful and judgmental towards those that are fair-skinned, thinking they have some sort of huge advantage in society.

I have researched my family history over the last few years. On my mothers side, I can trace my ancestry back to about the 1200s. My mother's lineage includes English, Spanish, Cuban, and Native American. My dad's side was not as easy to trace, as I can only go back a few generations, but his lineage includes Italian and Czech, possibly Jewish. My dad's family has only been in America since the early 1900s.

The unique thing about America is that we are a diverse group of people. We have the most cultures and ethnicities in our country than any other country in the world. And I love REAL diversity. I am not talking about Affirmative Action, which I think is a small-minded idea. I love melding ideologies, traditions, cultures, and elements. If applied in a positive way, diversity can lead to real magic and love in the world, for our different perspectives are what leads to real problem-solving and peace. 

We have this fascination in America of trying to 'police' or judge others, and then having a strong desire to "equalize" based on the perceived advantages/disadvantages of others, which I think lends to the still highly racially charged environment that is current America.

I think the goal should be to move away from the fear we have about people/things we don't understand. We have to remove our judgment and the hate we have been taught by our formative years. We should not continue to be defined by our skin color or culture, but rather by our character. That is what diversity is about. We are all unique. We have different experiences, perspectives, and talents that make us who we are. And we all have something POSITIVE to add to the world, if we can push back our ego, hate, and judgment to let it shine.

We all have our cross to bear. Every one of us is born with advantages and disadvantages. Yes, I have fair skin and blue eyes, but don't think for one second my life is all glitter and butterflies based on my outward appearance. My life has been hard, as many other peoples' lives have been hard. It is in the trials and tribulations that we learn our life lessons, gain insight and wisdom, and ultimately find peace through the love and acceptance of ALL OTHERS, regardless of how they may be different from yourself.

Distance yourself from small-minded, hateful people. You can still love them, but don't continue to engage with their BS. This just perpetuates the problem...

Stop the hate,
K

Recovering Negaholic

I have been thinking a lot lately about positive vs negative, good vs evil, bad vs good, yin vs yang, knowledge vs wisdom...You get the point. I am recently extremely fascinated by the dualism of life.

I no longer work in "Corporate America" after a decade of the grind. And I no longer live a "conventional" life. I work when I feel energized to work, I play when I need a break, and I rest when I am tired. This shift in my lifestyle isn't by choice, so before you start judging, understand that my life was so unbalanced that it almost killed me. And I fought, hard, to be the old me. And I lost.

In my new life, I don't have to go grocery shopping during "rush hour". I did, however, run to the grocery store last night for dinner ingredients. I forgot how powerful it can be to be in close proximity to such negativity (ie-anywhere in the US after a long day's work). As I was driving to the store, I was the recipient of frustration from a pissed of driver. At the store, again I was the recipient of anger and frustration. The old me would have gotten defensive, with a "what's your problem" response. The new me, the Recovering Negaholic, realizes that it has nothing to do with me, I am just the target in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was only at the grocery store 30 minutes, but I felt angry and frustrated. Yuck!

I have been seeing a lot lately about the impact of negative emotions. I know, I know...Here I go with some abstract opinion about how we can manifest what we want through our positive thoughts, right? No!

I have read the Secret, watched the movie. I have read probably 50 books on psychology, happiness, relationships, love, etc. We are all looking for something to help us. But the idea that we can "manifest" winning the lottery, or whatever, always was a little out there for me. But let me just share this idea with you:

As we experience life, our unconscious (subconscious) records thoughts and feelings, and most of the fundamental unconscious thoughts and feelings (trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame and doubt, and initiative vs guilt) happen BEFORE THE AGE OF 6!! That means that at the heart of our persuasion, we are pretty much our 6 year old self running around in an adult body. Man, does that explain a lot about some guys I have dated! All kidding aside, It is also estimated that 95% of our unconscious thoughts and feelings repeat 24 hours a day. You have probably heard the term "tapes". Dr. Phil uses this term often. This is what he is talking about. Your brain is unconsciously controlling your life, for the better, or for the worse.

The unconscious mind is where MOST of the work gets done. Sucks that we can't control that, huh? The unconscious mind is the source of our hidden beliefs, fears, and attitudes that interfere with our everyday life (Psychology Today). It is also the source of our creativity, intuition, inspiration, and inner knowing. And it far more complex than we are consciously aware of. This is why you sometimes "know things" or have strange dreams, or accomplish something you didn't think you could. Your unconscious mind, from time to time, will say, "It's ok... I've got this!"

Now let's talk about energy. Energy is a usable and measurable power or force. And since you live on planet Earth (gravity is an energy) and you probably pay an electric bill every month, I think it's safe to say that we all believe in energy. Do you believe that your emotions, thoughts, and feelings have energy? Do you get jittery when you are excited? Why do you think you want to sleep when you are depressed? That is energy, or lack of energy.

I did a little research about the energy surrounding emotions. I found that our thoughts form electromagnetic waves, which are forms of energy. Furthermore, the concept of empathy (sharing another's feelings) has been studied for hundreds of years. So are feelings contagious? I think this is a very real possibility. 

If  both positive and negative emotions are contagious, that explains a hell of a lot about the current state of our world. We are collectively a bunch of negative, unhappy individuals, and we are just spreading it around, like a virus. Evolutionary speaking, negative emotions are more powerful and contagious because back in the day we had to defend ourselves against tigers and other men, or whatever. We had to be able to sense danger and fear for protection. Yet, here we are in 2014, and we seemingly haven't evolved out of that state of perpetual fear and danger.

I understand that most of us do not have the freedom to eliminate or stay away from negativity. Be conscious of it, and don't contribute to it. You can change the destiny of your inner child, and collectively, we can all stop being jerks to each other.

Peace,
K

Don't Be An Ass This Xmas

Something that has been a huge life lesson for me lately has been:

DON'T TAKE MORE THAN YOU GIVE.

And the level of this lesson for me has been profound. I can ask myself a question about anything, and at the root of the issue, I can always go back to this simple statement. And as the holiday season is upon us, I think its important to really explore this.

I love the holidays. I love wearing my fuzzy scarfs and warm boots. I love the warm beverages like peppermint mocha's and pumpkin chai's. I love how my town gets all Norman Rockwell. But mostly, I love what the season represents: love, family, and the human connection.

When I do think of Christmas, I do have a tinge of apprehension as well. In fact, my family has discussed leaving town for the holidays. Why? Why on earth would I do that when I love the holiday?

I have become increasing more disappointed with what is going on in our country by the minute. But don't get me wrong. This did not happen overnight, and I think its pointless to put 100% of the blame on ONE guy. Sorry. Yes, I have my political beliefs, but ONE man didn't cause this (that can go either way depending on your political affiliation). We all played a part in allowing this to happen. When I think about the all holidays in our country, it makes me heavyhearted to think how it has become a marketing machine.

It's no secret that our country has become completely money-focused. We have shifted our perspective to the sole focus of "conquering" the world for money. Our greed has spiraled out of control. And I know that individually, there are some wonderful, amazing, giving people in this country, but collectively, we are all contributing to this mess.

Over-consumption is simply a situation in which the sustainable capacity (ability to be maintained) of our ecosystem is overwhelmed the resources we are taking. We are taking more than we are giving back to our environment, at a faster rate than it can recover. One more time; we are killing our world; we have become parasites of the earth.

par·a·site (Merriam-Webster)

: an animal or plant that lives in or on another animal or plant and gets food or protection from it

: a person or thing that takes something from someone or something else and does not do anything to earn it or deserve it

For me, my journey has become about simplifying life. The world was a better place in time when families lived within their means. We used time and devotion as tokens of our love. In a time when quality over quantity ruled, we all (hopefully) had enough. And I am very guilty of this too. I have a closet full of clothes I don't wear, that I bought because I thought I "needed" them. Stupid.

My recent philosophy about gift giving has drastically evolved. When I buy a gift, I like it to be meaningful and intentional to that person. That is my way of spending some time, really thinking about the recipient. And I hate it when people say gift cards are impersonal. For some individuals, a gift card could be a well thought out gift. My grandmother for instance, has waaayyyy to much shit, and she doesn't want anymore useless crap to dust. But one thing she LOVES is going out to lunch with her girlfriends (you go GG!), so everyone knows to buy her restaurant gift cards. Or a pre-teen girl could love a gift card to a trendy clothing store to have a little freedom for the first time. 

My point is that we have to move away from mass over-consumption during the holidays. It is so driven by a ginormous marketing machine of the major retailers. And in our materialism, we have become enslaved to it. And then we set ridiculous expectations for ourselves to outdo "last Christmas". Just stop. I guarantee that if you put love and thought into someones gift, they would rather have that than several cheap, meaningless things that will just accumulate in a pile in the back of a closet/cabinet/drawer.

I have attached some links to resources for meaningful gift ideas. If this is new to you, when you are thinking about someone to buy for, write down a list of key traits, likes, hobbies, and passions for that person. It doesn't have to take a long time, just enough to get you focus your thought on them. Then circle the top 3-4. Google gift ideas using those words to see if that sparks any inspiration. Another thing that has been helpful to me is thinking about creating a memory or experience versus just the gift itself. That's why I like restaurant gift cards for my grandmother, as it creates positive memories for her and her friends. Or for my daughter, I like artsy, creative things because it is something we can do together to have an experience.

http://www.pinterest.com/
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-ideas-for-stress-free-meaningful-holiday-gift-giving/
http://simplekids.net/gift-giving-philosophy/

Have an authentic, simple and beautiful holiday season!
K

Savages!

Why are women so destructive to other women. I was watching Sean Saves the World last night, and there was a skit about a father (Sean Hayes) role playing with his female friend (Megan Hilty) regarding disciplining his teenage daughter. Liz (Megan Hilty) said something along the lines of "Are you sure you are ready for this? Teenage girls are SAVAGES."

As a mother of a young daughter, I have dried many tears due to the unnecessary pain other girls have caused my daughter. And as a woman myself, I have been on the receiving end of LOTS of bitchiness in my day, and I am not proud to say I have been on the giving end as well. (No more mean girls!)

I was invited by a friend to a women's "group" this morning. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I felt compelled to go. It was at another woman's home in my neighborhood whom I had never met.

As soon as I walked in her lovely home, I felt so welcome. There were 7 of us total, and we had no agenda. It was just about having some tea/coffee/fruit and connecting in a positive way. We talked about our children, husbands, friends, personal lives etc. As we were talking, the topic came up of how important it is for women to connect with other women. And I had never really thought about this at a deep level, but it made so much sense to me.

Women are tough. You can't deny this. We bare children, people. And then after they destroy our bodies, we love and raise small people with no boundaries or restraint, all while they puke on us, lie to us, and tell us they hate us. This is not a job for the faint of heart. 

Women usually are the ones at home, as well as in corporate America, that handle all the bullshit (minutiae).  And we do this will a smile on our face and a can do attitude, because "we've got this". But where is the balance?

I really got the value today of supporting and loving our fellow women. It's time to drop the drama, cattiness, jealousy, assumptions, and rivalry. I've been really lucky in the last few years to find several women friends. When I was younger, I had a hard time with the drama and backstabbing, so I was more of a loner. But I know now that I'm surrounded by a solid network of incredible, beautiful, smart, and creative women that lift me up daily. And I know I wouldn't be where I am today without that support.

And I love my husband too, but sometimes he just doesn't "get it". Men and women are very different, and that's all part of the master plan. But don't lose value in the incredible support you can gain by opening your heart to your fellow women friends!

Love all my girls!

K

Scars

"My Scars tell a story of where I have been; they don't dictate where I going."

I am getting my 3rd and 4th tattoos tomorrow, and I am so excited. I must not look like the tattoo type, as people are shocked that I have and enjoy tattoos. I was actually asked by a dear friend last week why I liked tattoos. She wasn't asking from a place of judgement; it was just so foreign to her. I smiled and responded that all of my tattoos have deep personal meaning about a life lesson I have learned, and that it helps me by "feeling" the pain through the tattoo process itself. Plus, I like having a visual reminder of my lessons; as I have gotten older, I now see the value in 'scars'. To me, tattoos are truly beautiful displays of the inner soul, an outward personal expression, not only reserved for inmates and biker gangs.

I looked up pain in a Google search. Wikipedia defines pain as an "unpleasant feeling often caused by intense or damaging stimuli." 

Wiki also goes on to describe how the pain mechanism works between cognitive and sensory functions (mind/body). 

"Pain motivates people to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future."


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Then I got to thinking about the pain thing. I have been re-reading my all time favorite book, The Mastery of Love, by don Miguel Ruiz. Below is a synopsis from the publisher:

In The Mastery of Love, don Miguel illuminates the fear-based beliefs and assumptions that undermine love and lead to suffering and drama in our relationships. Using insightful stories to bring his message to life, he shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy that are our birthright, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships. Using teachings from the three Toltec Masteries (Awareness, Transformation, and Love) as a foundation, don Miguel brings to light the fallacies and misplaced expectations about love that permeate most relationships. He gracefully shares his wisdom through delightful and engaging stories that clarify each point and bring his message to life.

The book uses an analogy of a planet full of people with painful wounds on their skin. If someone touches another, accidentally bumps a wound of another, the first person lashes out at the second because it hurts! This is where we are in our current world. We all have so much pain from different experiences and traumas, and we are in so much pain that we can't see outside of the pain, or even begin to empathize with how others may be feeling. And because we are currently living in a world FILLED with pain, we then try to numb it or put it on another because we cannot handle it ourselves. We do this through alcohol/drug abuse, shopping, food, abusive relationships, adultery, and my least favorite, prescriptions. The number one reason for doctor visits in the US is for pain. Yea, I know first hand how bad pain can be. Go ahead and read my past blogs...

My point is this: We all have pain. It's a part of life. It's how we choose to express our pain that matters. I have recently discovered that writing immensely helps me release my pain; being on 15 different prescriptions does not. (If you truly need prescriptions, please continue to take! I just didn't need them!)  I would encourage everyone to find a creative, healthy way to release their pain instead of self-destruction or projection onto others.

And I love my tats, even if they aren't visible to the world. For me, they serve as a daily reminder of the pain I have been through, and the strength I hold. When you see others in the world that you may not understand, just know that (hopefully) they are doing their best to manage their pain. Love them anyway!

"Choosing not to lash out and release your pain, and instead choosing to feel the pain is very courageous."
-Gary Zukav

Much Love,
K