Is Life One Big Competition?

Somewhere along the way, I came to believe that life was a competition. Maybe it's just my warped view on the world, but it seems as if everything in our modern culture comes down to competition.

The definition of competition is two or more parties trying to outdo each other, a rivalry between forces. If life were truly a competition that would mean that only one person could "win". But is this really why we are here, just to see if we can 'one up' each other?Everywhere around us we are constantly being measured up against someone else, something else. How do I measure up? This pressure has got to stop.

And relax, I am not suggesting we do away with sports, or even business. I believe healthy competition is good for evolution, to push us to the next level. I am just saying maybe we should reevaluate some of our core self-sabotaging behaviors. I am talking about when the ones closest to us feel they constantly have to "compete" with us.  I'm tired of unhealthy competition among family members. How ridiculous that you feel putting down your own flesh and blood is a reflection of how great you are. I am sick of competition between women. Come on, girls. We can all relate to this...We have either been on the giving end or the receiving end of petty, jealous, immature behavior. We can do better than this. This isn't propelling our species forward into evolution of our greatest selves.

I am not a spiritual guru, but one thing I know for sure is that this isn't how it's supposed to end. This isn't our legacy. You know what some of the antonyms of competition are? Harmony, cooperation, and peace. I don't know about you, but to me, these words are exactly how I think the world should be defined. Harmony, you know, the flow of life, when everything just fits. Cooperation, the act of working together for the common good. Peace, the state of natural order, when no one and nothing is out of place.

I have this theory that no matter what, we have to be who we are. We have to stay in harmony with life, keep up with the flow. I believe that this means we have to let go of things that do not support our harmony and peace. Sometimes, many times, this is unbelievably challenging. This means letting go of closest relationships with people that we love. This means shedding old, outdated ways of thinking. My favorite example of this is racism. Guess what, not liking or approving of someone because of the tone of their skin IS.NOT.OK. Let go of what was passed to you, generation to generation. Let go of behaviors that do not support your positive wellbeing. I love food. But I cannot eat certain major food groups without consequences. I have to make the change and let go of how I think it should be. We have to let go of jobs that drain our soul, slowly, day after day. We have to let go of toxic "friendships". No one said it was going to be easy...

The exciting thing is I see a spiritual "shedding" of sorts going on in the world around me. I see everyone I know struggling in their own way letting go of things that do not serve their wellbeing. I see business and politics, shifting. I hope this is a global movement. The downside is that this process is uncomfortable and sometimes downright ugly, for myself included. But I have to believe that we are going to get there.

xo,
K

HIndsight is 20/20

Dear God...What a beautiful day.

I sit here, on my porch, with my coconut milk Brahmin tea latte, drinking in all the beauty of this Colorado spring day. My house sits on a park, nestled in a valley just south of Denver. I watch as a skateboarder rides by. I can see the beautiful Rocky Mountains to my left, beautiful clouds swirling above the peaks. My cute puppy, a 6 month old Doberman, does a little sunbathing on the deck while I write. I hear wind chimes, birds, and rustling leaves. Amazing.

Ok, big deal... This chick is enjoying her tea... But listen. This is a big deal, for me. The act of being present. A concept, so simple, yet I am finding more and more, that it is a actually pretty hard. For me, it requires turning off the noise in my head, not listening to that ugly ego. When I am fully present, I don't have the ability to worry, over-analyze, criticize, or judge. All I can do in a moment of being fully present, is soak in life. Yes, things don't always go the way we think they should, but why do we deny ourselves all of the other beautiful gifts life has to offer by being consumed with our thoughts? Not sure where I heard this, but I love it: "Do not believe everything you think."

I am, admittedly, an over-analyzer. You know the type... Someone that may or may not freak out about anything and everything. I am the BEST at worst-case scenarios. If you ever want a run down of possible outcomes in any given situation, I am your girl. But after 32 years of living way too much in my head, constantly analyzing anything that came my way, I started to realize it was consuming me. My thoughts would race. I was hypercritical of myself and others. I became a perfectionist, and I am not perfect, which created even more stress for me. One day, it dawned on me, that I WANT peace, I NEED peace.

On my own spiritual journey,  I have learned that most of our pain comes from our thoughts. We punish ourselves. We get stuck in thinking about the past. We think about how we have messed up or how we have been wronged. Or...We worry too much about the future. If you are like me, you worry about both. It is so draining...

Am I perfect at letting go, being present, and fully enjoying life? Um, no. But I work on it. Every Second. I am letting go of the past. It is over. Yes, I can walk away with some valuable life lessons and apply them to the NOW. But I am not going to live there anymore. I am not going to blame anyone for my circumstances. Nor will I continuously beat myself up for mistakes I have made. I have forgiven myself. It is so easy to beat ourselves up. It's the old hindsight is 20/20 thing. If you would have known better, you would have done better. You are not that person anymore. You are a newer, improved version, capable of anything today, but only if you are open and available to it!

And I have to let go of worrying about the future. I have to trust myself fully. I have to know that I make every decision with my heart. Every decision made today from a place of love and faith will guide me further along my path. I have to drop the self-doubt, that comes with beating myself up for past failures, and know that everything has a purpose, including me. I have to believe that every decision made today will take me exactly where I am supposed to be tomorrow.

If I am as spiritual as I think I am (or desire to be), I have to let go of the worry, or try as best as I can, every day. I have to learn to "go with the flow". I have to know that every situation, personal encounter, every person I meet, every place I go, has some divine purpose. And it does! I think we are taught to believe that if we are "good" nothing bad will happen. This just simply isn't true. We cannot develop, grow, thrive, and expand without proper training.  (What if our souls need just as much time, energy, and development as our minds and bodies?) We cannot truly know and appreciate the good, without experiencing some bad.

Thank you for reading!
xo,
K

Mother Teresa

My big point of meditation has been what are the big spiritual lessons we are here to learn. What is this thing called life really for? This may sound radical, but I don't believe we are here to suffer. I don't believe we are here to self-destruct as people, as a species, as a planet. I believe we are here to overcome our circumstances, to rise above our obstacles, to walk the Refiner's Fire. We are here to experience these spiritual lessons in human form. So I have asked God, many times, to really know the whys. I asked for it. So when seemingly bad things happen, I now try to look for the lesson. I figure the quicker I learn the lessons, the less painful it will be. Ok, God, I'm listening...

So my recurring situation/feeling/lesson is how to cope with high levels of negativity in those that I love around me. The modern word for this is toxic people. I hate this label because it's so nasty sounding. And unless we are a modern saint, we all carry some level of anger/hate/negativity/prejudice. It's part of the human experience, part of the grand lesson. We all get damaged, and then thru love, we become whole again. I have a soft spot in my heart for people that are hurting, as most of us do. I am one/have been one of those people. BUT, I have a huge problem when hurt people feel it's ok to put their pain on others or reactively lash out at anyone and everyone that so much as flinches. The more hurting you are as a person, the more sensitive those wounds will be. BUT, at no point does that give us permission to "hit" back.

So back to those wounds... When we spend so much time trying to protect those wounds, we end up closing ourselves off, from the people we love, to the blessings available to us. You know what's funny, some of the most negative people I know also have the biggest hearts. And negativity is hard to break; you have to make a conscious effort, constantly. We have to heal our wounds, and move forward in love.

Here is an excerpt from my journal on 4/16/14:
"I feel like I have a huge heart. I want to love everything and everyone. I love to love, because love feels good. I wish life was always warm and fuzzy, filled with unicorns and roses, and all the other clichés. So let me rephrase: I think the lesson is learning how to love without getting hurt."

I forgot all about that entry. And this very topic has been on my heart so much this week. So, well played God, well played. I would now edit the lesson to being: Learning how to love without becoming too wounded to participate in life. Or, Learning how to love without getting or giving hurt. Anyway, you get the idea... Become Mother Teresa.

I have a feeling this is a big lesson. That's a tall order. First, I have to own my negativity, be responsible for my energy, and not put that on anyone else. I am not Mother Teresa yet, so I have to protect myself, to some degree, from others' negativity. Yes, I want to save the world with love but I can't do it if the other party in any given relationship fights me tooth and nail on the love thing. I HAVE to keep love in my heart. I HAVE to. It's my only hope, the secret to my salvation. There are other people that want love, they want the love I have to give, and they reciprocate that love. It's an awesome feeling to have that. To have a family, circle, a tribe of friends picked so perfectly for me, yet so diverse and widespread. It's my personal story, my own funny sitcom. I can't waste my precious time on negativity. We are called to love. We were created to love. Turn the other cheek. Don't lash out when people hurt you, but be sure to ALWAYS give your love to those that love you back!

xo,
K

Depression - Coming Out Of My Closet

I found a video recently that touched my heart in a way that words couldn't begin to describe. It gave me the strength and push to come out of my "closet".
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Coming-Out-of-Your-Closet-Ash-B


I have finally admitted to myself that I suffer from bouts of depression. And for my perfectionist nature, by definition, this means, or meant, that fundamentally, I'm a failure. The last few years have been beyond difficult for me. And at times, I felt like my life, and my physical body, was literally shattering into pieces. I spent so much time and energy trying to prove to myself and to the world that I was invincible. Honestly, I think I felt extreme pressure from my family, my work, societal expectations, whatever, to have it all together. I have always felt like I had to be independent, strong, funny, attractive, thin, financially secure, intelligent, well dressed, and on and on. Truth is, I've spent most of my life feeling insecure and self-conscious, which is very different from the person I have attempted to portray to the world. At times, I feel completely worthless, like a failure and a fraud.

Is depression biological or environmental? I don't know. I personally believe it is both. And I believe that it is a vicious circle, that if you let it, will continue to drag you to the depths of hell, using YOU as the tool of self-destruction. How sad this must be to our Creator that in our weakest moments, we hurt ourselves and cause unbearable pain to ourselves. I did this to myself. I caused myself this pain. I told myself I was worthless. I have no excuses.

 Depression does run rampant in my family lineage. It has left a trail of failed relationships, hurt feelings beyond repair, self-destructive behavior, suicidal tendencies, and big, proud, ugly egos. And the sad part is that these people, at their core, are good people. Deep down, they have big hearts. They are attractive, successful (by society's standards), likeable people carrying this burden around like a death sentence.

I personally choose not be a victim of depression. I know that the power to change these behaviors lies within myself. Yes, depression is chemical, but its also the result of conditioning. And in my case, I believe it is caused by generations of hurt people hurting people. I can change my thinking and my behaviors. I don't have to be a victim in my own life. But I have to be open and honest with myself and others. I know that this journey will not be a straight line. the brain is powerful, especially the subconscious, which is as automatic as breathing. I have to communicate when I'm feel myself slipping to that dark place. And I have to hold myself accountable to being aware that the negative bullshit running rampant in my head isn't true. Im learning that it does no good to myself or others to pretend to be perfect and to always act like I have my shit together. I don't. At all. 

As I write this, I am happy and content. I've had a feeling, for a while now, that this year is my return to physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I can feel the shift happening, yet I know I'll hit speed bumps along the way. I finally feel brave enough (today anyway) to take control of my life, instead of feeling like I have to live up to my/others' standards/expectations, and then being a victim when I fail. 

I have been blessed with an amazing daughter that has given me the courage and power to break generational patterns. I love her more than I love myself, but I have fought for myself because she deserves better than that. I have an amazing husband who saw me for me, and has been a source of unwavering strength and a healthy example of love. He is beyond grounded, which is invaluable to someone like me. I have amazing friends that never give up on me during times I wanted to give up on myself. At the end of the day all we really have are people, relationships, connections, and LOVE. I sit here, grateful for the grace of God, thankful for my life, and I'm finally excited to LIVE it.


Xo,
K

Love

Love.

What a powerful word.

Love has got to be the most written about topic, yearned for by all. Yet, this word is so elusive. I've spent so much time in my life trying to define it, catch it, nail it down, mis define it, bastardize it. I have confused love with many other things. At times, love has even felt a lot like hate.

I think the problem with our culture's relationship with love is that at its core, love is transcendent, yet we attempt to make it fit our fake world. Love, and the connection that go along with love, are the only real things at the end of the day. What is this life for, if not love. Love is beyond our human limitations, our misery, our illusions, and our drama. It is of our essence, our spirit, and it is most importantly our connection to the divine, our call home. What I know for sure is that our goal here on earth is to really know love.

If I look back on every life lesson I've had, I can see clearly the connection to love. I can see that at the end of the day, love is real when mostly everything around us is imagery.  Love is innate, powerful, and beyond words. If we can get past all of our baggage and drama, we would discover that love, that thing we long for, has always been there, waiting for us. Somewhere along the way I developed this misconception that love is always pretty. Let me tell ya, love can be dirty, messy, ugly, and just plain hard.

To me, love is when I can look into the eyes of another and can speak a conversation without saying a word. Love is the comfort I feel in my heart when I spend quality time in the beauty of nature. Love is the essence children, which my daughter taught me. She is my Angel on earth. Love is the pure joy I feel in my heart when I see an old friend. Love is intoxicating, passionate, and alluring. But you know what love also is? Love is pain, heartache, and regret. Love is saying something mean and immediately regretting it. It's staying by your spouses' side thru years of illness, when anybody else would have quit. Love is the hard cold truth when one doesn't want to hear it. Love is praying for someone when they have hurt you. Love is when your heart hurts so bad that you feel like you could shatter. Love is the difficulty of establishing boundaries, and holding yourself and others accountable. Love is about forgiving the unforgivable.

So there you go. Love is not for the faint of heart. Its so good, yet it hurts so bad. At the moment, I'm feeling hurt by someone I love, someone that is a part of my soul. Hurt by not only their behavior, but deeply hurt at the blatant disregard for themselves. What am I to do? Become bitter and hateful because I've been wounded? No. That's not what this lesson is about. Learning what love really is, how to love, how to be love, is to be open. Love has to be rooted in forgiveness. I have to hold a place in my heart for those that I love, yet put up a protective hand on my own heart. I have to genuinly want the best for them, yet I have to take care of myself. I have to remember them for the beautiful person that is their essence, and I choose to let go of destruction and abuse.

One thing I've learned recently thanks to a dear friend that pointed it out is I have to love myself too. If I am to be whole, healthy, happy, and giving, I have got to take care of myself before I can be there for others. After any hurt, I have to love myself enough to lick my wounds, but also enough to pick myself up, head held high. I am a child of God, and desire to be used for His good. I am open, forgiving, and ready to move forward in faith, ready for all of the blessings life has to offer. This is just getting good!

Life's a Beach

I write this from a bungalow in Playa Grande, Costa Rica. Our quaint bungalow is nestled in the jungle, a short walk from the beach. This tiny town on the Pacific Coast is known for its leatherback turtles and surfing. It is not a crazy resort town, a top destination for spring break, like Cancun. My husband and I decided to take one last relaxing trip, sans dogs and kids. We were in search of some "us" time.

One of the things I love most about my husband is his zeal for life. He is so easy going, and always up for whatever life has to offer. He is older than me, yet he is a kid at heart, so playful and happy. This lesson he continues to teach me, to fully appreciate life, has been one of greatest gifts I have ever received.

I, for one, have had an ongoing love affair with the ocean since the first time i saw it. It is so symbolic of the embodiment of Mother Nature. The ocean is so big, so powerful, and demands so much respect. But yet the ocean is so peaceful, so nuturing, so tranquil.  It's smell is so alluring to me. I love the sound of the waves crashing. I could spend hours lost in myself, staring at wave after wave, in almost a trance-like state.

Yesterday, my husband and I were at the beach. For hours. And I did something that I haven't done since I was a child. I actually played. I played in the water like a 5 year old. i jumped and splashed and swam. My husband and I chased and dived under the waves. We laughed and laughed. It was amazing.

Ok, so I played in the ocean. Big deal, right? But this is huge for me. I glanced at our towels and bags on the beach a few times. The old me would have had my fat, pasty white ass on that towel, on the beach. I would have told myself "I need a tan before..." Or "I don't look good enough in my swim suit" or whatever dumb excuse I used to hold myself back from truly experiencing life. And I probably would have been on that towel for most of our trip, until I was tan enough or whatever.

Truth is, we are our own worst enemies. We can be downright awful to ourselves. I personally am working diligently in removing aspects of myself that are no longer useful. It isn't useful for me to beat myself up over my fair skin or my 20 extra pounds. I'm not going to wait for "ideal" circumstances to start enjoying life. Will some people talk behind my back? You betcha,  but that is their shortcoming, not mine. I've already pissed away 32 years trapped in the fear/shame cycle.

Somewhere along the way, we lose our childlike wonder and enthusiasm. What a shame, for I am beginning to see this is what life is about, wonder and enthusiasm. I always want to be in amazement of life and be eager to experience it. I do not believe we were put on earth to suffer in misery, especially self-imposed misery. Who made up that rule? I guess I have always been somewhat of a rule breaker...

Pura Vida, Amigos!

K

28,000 days

This may be just me, but I've learned over the years that when the universe is trying to tell me something, I'll usually "get the message" in more than one way.

One of these "messages" for me recently is that, on average, we only have 28,000 days here on earth. Wow, that sure doesn't seem like a lot.

I kid you not, I have heard this stat 3 times in the last 24 hours from unrelated sources. Ok, I'm listening...

Let's face it... we have such an unhealthy obsession with money. So, maybe this will put it in perspective for some. If at birth, we were given $1 for every day we were to be alive, in one lump sum, like say $28,000, and you were supposed to spend one dollar every day, how would you choose to spend that dollar?

Would you give it to someone that doesn't value and appreciate your dollar? Would you be reckless with your dollar? Would you use your daily dollar to slowly kill yourself with drugs, alcohol, or food? Would you attempt to hoard your dollars? Would you keep yourself from really living based on fear that your dollars will one day run out? Or are you in denial of the dollar, like if you pretend it doesn't exist, you no longer have to deal with it?

Or...

Would you enjoy that dollar everyday? Would you be giving and generous with that dollar? Would you create memories and moments with that dollar, as that's all we ever have. Would you take in what each day and every dollar had to offer with childlike ease, wonder, and love?

The thing is, every day we wake up and get to spend that dollar, we are beyond blessed. We have been granted the ultimate choice. 

We have the choice to really live in each moment. Somewhere along the way, a lot of us forget this lesson. We get to paint on the canvas of our life in each day. We have the power to choose our life, all it takes is awareness on how we spend our moments.

Today I'm choosing to honor this lesson and live in the moment.

Xo,

K

Valentine

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, I'm sure most parents are scrounging around at the local drugstore buying Valentine's supplies for their children's classrooms, just as I was today. Some of us procrastinate this task, because let's face it, it's not that important to us. It's just some candy and paper cards that will get thrown in the trash. But I propose, that as parents, we look past our cynicism, and encourage our children to be giving.

I wasn't the type of girl/teenager/young adult that knew I wanted to have kids. It wasn't some burning desire that I had. It wasn't my thing. I'm not exactly the perfect housewife/stay at home mom. I'm no Martha Stewart or Betty Crocker. But I will tell you that being a parent has been the most rewarding experience of my life. Parenting, to me, has been the greatest education I could ever hope to obtain. There is real insight and perspective that comes from creating and shaping a human being. (I'll have to dedicate a post to this very topic...)

One thing I have always done as a parent is encourage my daughter to give. I wanted to raise her with a generous spirit, that would make the world a little brighter. Obviously I helped her at an early age, with making cards, coloring pictures, or buying a gift. I would guide her with whom and why to give. But as she has grown older and developed her own personality, I encourage her to do giving acts on her own, to be thoughtful and creative, and to give for no reason at all. Even if I don't necessarily agree with her act of giving, like those penny jars for the vague charity at the supermarket checkout stand, I still encourage her to have the giving spirit in her heart, no questions asked. It's not for me to judge, right?

So I guess this is why I have grown love all the fun holidays that kids celebrate at school. You see, children are born naturally kind, generous, and giving. Think about it. Don't your kids always give away little things that they make? I have a drawer full of crafts, ripped out coloring book pages, notes, and drawings. All of these were made out of pure love for me. My daughter and the neighbor boys are always making bracelets for each other on the rainbow loom, giving each other pretty rocks they found, and exchanging drawings/notes. Taylor and her girl friends from school are always giving each other little gifts and notes. Children get such joy out of this exchange. Yet most of us as adults get stressed out around holidays and the thought of gift exchange.

We have become so jaded to the art of giving. We do it out of obligation. It stresses us out. Did I spend enough? I can't afford to be giving. Is so-and-so going to spend the same amount on me that I spent on them? All of the above are awful excuses, folks. At some point, we lose our natural, innate desire to be kind, giving, and generous. We let it be about the money. We get guarded and cynical. We adopt a scarcity mentality that there is not enough to go around.

Now you see why I enjoy being a parent so much. I would have stayed stuck in that scarcity mentality. I would forever be a cynical Grinch. I never would have seen the truth that giving isn't about what us jaded adults think it is. Giving is about having love in your heart for another, and desiring to show that person in any way you can that you appreciate them. What a beautiful lesson.

xo, 

K

                                                                                     

Don't Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

I had a big "aha" moment tonight while picking up dinner from a local pizza place.

So lately I have a huge sensitivity to gluten. I have to tell you that being married to a chef and being a total foodie, this has thrown a huge wrench in my lifestyle. Anyway, there is a local pizza place in my town that has a really good gluten-free pizza crust. This wonderful discovery has been the silver lining in my latest dietary restriction adventure. It's been a foggy, gloomy day in Colorado, and my favorite new treat sounded like an awesome idea.

I called in the order for my "special" pizza, and another normal pizza for the rest of the family. It's a small place in the corner unit of a tiny strip mall. There are about 10 tables, a patio, and a walk-up counter off the kitchen to pick up to go orders. This place is locally owned and operated, and many times, you will find the rough-around-the-edges, Chicago-native owner running the front counter.

Tonight, there was a young lady working the counter/dining room. My guess is she is around 19 years old, maybe a little older. She had a long blond ponytail, and was wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt. When I walked up to the counter, I could see that she was obviously in the middle of delivering an order to the one table that was occupied in the restaurant. She was short with me, but I chalked it up to maybe she was having a bad day.

When she was finished, she handed me my two pizzas. I gave her my credit card, and slipped a five dollar bill in the empty tip jar on the counter. (I have spent most of my life in the restaurant business, and feel very strongly about tipping.) After I signed my credit card slip and handed it back to her, she simply walked away and started on another task. She didn't say "thank you", "have a good night", or "thanks for coming in". She said absolutely nothing.

For about 2 seconds, I'll be honest, I was a little ticked. Not that I ever would, but I wanted to say something, or even worse, take the money out of the tip jar. (Awful, I know.) I am not expecting grand accolades for giving her a $5 tip, but it was something I didn't have to do, I chose to be giving in that moment. Her blatant dismissal of my gift stung something in me very harshly. In that moment, it dawned on me why our world is in the shape it's in.

People are not as generous and giving as they should be because some people ruin it for all of us by not being appreciative. Let me be clear that this is about so much more than money or a tip. There are so many different things that someone can give of themselves to another to show love, acceptance, appreciation, empathy, understanding, forgiveness, etc.. Don't let the action get lost in our twisted love of money. Giving material things is (should be) simply an extension of an innate desire to GIVE.

But now I know better so I do better. I know that in my life, I have been that girl more than once. I am working on being gentle with myself, so I don't berate myself for my mistakes and instead make a mental note that I don't want to take other peoples' generosity for granted. I released my anger and instead chose to learn a little life lesson in that pizza place.

My wish for you is to not let a select few ruin your giving nature. Continue to be giving, and don't forget to appreciate others when they are giving to you. Don't get frustrated that some people just "don't get it". Instead, choose to focus on the joy of giving and receiving love to others, and release your expectations of reciprocation. If you get reciprocation in a moment of giving, that is so awesome! If not, know that you did the right thing, and move on to the next beautiful moment that life has to offer.

xo,
K

Decline of Casual Dining - What Wall Street Cannot Measure

Every person has their own point of reference in life, or perception, that colors how they see and experience life. Here is my point of reference on the shift happening right now in which I see our culture moving towards social consciousness.

I read an article the other day about the decline of the casual dining segment, which includes Olive Garden, Chili's, Red Robin, Cheesecake Factory, etc. The article outlines the continuing decline of sales in this segment over the last few quarters. And they are losing sales to the fast-casual segment, which includes Panera, Garbanzo, Noodles, Five Guys, and Qdoba, just to name a few. Interestingly enough, my husband have been having this same belief that the casual dining segment is in the tubes, and that the Fast Casual segment is becoming more and more relevant to society.

"The big question is whether these restaurants are going through a brief dry spell, or are they suffering a permanent trend downward? There's a few different ways to look at the problem."

The article was based around a typical Wall Street ideology that the reason is because of the economy. The author of the article also points out that the decline has to do with the outdated menus, and that these big chains need to reconnect with their customer base, but again, he only mentions using natural, locally sourced ingredients.
http://www.dailyfinance.com/2014/01/11/why-red-lobster-olive-garden-and-their-casual-dini/


But I have a different theory, and it goes a lot deeper than these restaurant chains.

I think people are developing a social consciousness. I think people want to go to a restaurant, coffee shop, clothing store, whatever, that makes them FEEL good about being in said establishment and spending their money. The great thing today is we have so many choices in just about everything we buy, and we can cast our vote for the type of society we want with how we choose to spend our money.

In my opinion, people are opting out of the casual dining segment because of something Wall Street cannot measure. And yes, food quality is a big factor, obviously, but what about the subjective stuff, like the genuine positive energy, transparency, and being truly valued as a customer? People are becoming more and more aware everyday of the gap between a "canned" and "corporate" feel versus a "unique" and "local" feel. People are becoming increasingly loyal to establishments that can "walk the walk". They want to go to a restaurant/coffee shop/store that gives them a positive EXPERIENCE. They want the place to have good energy, with employees that are happy and genuine, and they want said establishments to have a sense of community. What we are seeing is that it takes more than good food to be a good restaurant.

I am not saying all corporations are bad. Look at Starbucks. They have managed to create a company, and a large one at that, with a "soul". Howard Shultz, the guy behind Starbucks said in a recent interview, "A great, enduring company must have a conscious; a balance between profitability and social conscientiousness."

Think about it like this: Families prior to the 1970s ate predominately homemade meals, as a family. Then, in the late 60s/early 70s, the casual dining boom began and really caught steam in the 1980s.  I believe that originally these institutional pioneers wanted to create a positive experience, a place of human connections, around an endearing social ritual, eating. These restaurants grew at a massive rate, thus becoming what we call today, 'chain restaurants'. And in that growth, some people saw the possibility of massive profits, and Wall Street got on the bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-profit, but I think there is line we cross when we take much more than we need, and cause suffering for those that aren't strong enough to take what belongs to them.

Wall Street is blinded to the things that matter like people, by the endless pursuit of yield and profit. I hope I am right about this shift in our world. I hope that a connection, social awareness, transparency, passion, and love are all going to eventually trump profits.

Drama in the Carpool Lane

Everyone close to me knows that my latest plight is to learn to not take things so seriously and personally when others are rude, hateful, jealous, and downright mean.

You see, I am the type that when I get cut off in traffic or snubbed by an acquaintance, I take it sooo personally. I try (but am by no means perfect) to be nice to others, and when others aren't always nice back, I get my feelings hurt. I always thought that I needed to say something about their rudeness, which obviously just escalates the situation. So again, here I am in my vulnerability, trying desperately to learn this lesson, and fast.

This morning, at the drop off car line at my daughter's school, I was given an opportunity to exercise patience and understanding with someone who was not-so-nice.

Let me paint the picture for you. The elementary school has a two-lane, one-way road in the very front of the school. The far right lane is for stopping and letting your children out, while the left lane is for thru traffic to get to the parking lot, and exit the school. Most people will drop off their children and move over to the left lane to leave the school. Seems pretty simple, right? Some people have more than one child or take longer, and there is really no process of "waiting your turn", as there is 100 feet of sidewalk on which you can drop your child off.

Well anyhoo, I had pulled up to the school with my kid and the neighbor kids in tow. I was 3 cars back from the front door of the school. I let the kids out and proceeded to get over to the left, so I could go home. Well a lady in front of me started honking at me as I passed her while she was parked in the right lane. She obviously thought I was being rude and not letting her over. Now, I am not a mind reader, and didn't know she was trying to get out. 

Now, I knew my intent was not bad! And I didn't expect so much drama taking the kids to school at 8:30. I haven't even had time to brush my teeth yet, let get into a fight at my daughter's school!

Ok, so to the part that I was "tested" in this lesson... when I was next to her as we were trying to exit, she started waving her hands and yelling at me through her window (its snowing). The old me would have immediately engaged in this not-so-nice behavior, and very easily been brought down to the same level. I would have yelled at her back through my window, I would have gotten on my phone to call my best friend to tell her about the "bitch" in the carpool lane, and it would have ruined several hours of my day. Honestly, it was almost like I witnessed the scenario from a third party perspective, and I almost laughed! But I didn't, as that would have been disrespectful. Obviously, this woman was having a bad day, and I didn't need to add fuel to the fire.

So you know what I did? I made the "I'm sorry" hand gesture, smiled, and kindly waved. And I secretly hoped to myself that she is shown kindness and love today.

xo,
K

Never Gonna Be a Supermodel

There is something I have just got to say, as we as a society have created a GIANT monster. I am so tired of people, especially women, hating and berating themselves. It is absolutely ridiculous that we live in a day and age in which we collectively believe that only certain people are worthy or beautiful, that you have to be a certain size to be valued, or you have to look a certain way to be attractive.

I was at the airport the other day, and I saw this woman that looked so sad. I was there for a while, as my daughter's flight was significantly delayed, so I was around this woman for about 45 minutes. I happened to see her smile at one point, and she was so lovely in that moment, so at peace. This strange woman at the airport did not look like Cindy Crawford, and she was not 5'11'', nor was she a size 2. But you know what? This woman was gorgeous, her spirit was beautiful. And her husband looked at her like she was the only woman on earth. I have a sneaky suspicion, however, that she does not realize her full value in life and that she could not see her own beauty, and that broke my heart.

I have so many lovely woman friends, and I think they are all so beautiful. Sadly, most of them are so freakin' hard themselves! Ladies, I wish you could see what I see in you. I wish you could see that true beauty is about grace and strength, and that the women in my life are strong and graceful beyond words. I watch you ladies work in or outside of the home, be loving mothers, be giving wives, and be loyal friends. You have so much on your plates, and are at times, underappreciated. You ladies are fiercely stable, holding everyone's life around you together. And you do it with a smile on your face and love in your heart.

It took me a long time to really grasp that the women society idolizes on TV seem perfect because they have TEAMS of people to help them. And I am so not trying to downplay these women, because I think there are a lot of great examples of women to follow in the public eye (and some not so great examples) but my point is that we cannot begin to compare ourselves to anyone, especially people that have a staff of trainers, nutritionists, personal assistants, accountants, and nannies. We all have a completely different load to carry, and we have got to stop comparing ourselves to celebrities, or even to our neighbors. Our purpose isn't to try and fit a mold, but to be ourselves in all of our glory in the way that we were created.

I came to grips with the fact that I will never be the best, prettiest, best dressed, most attractive, smartest person on earth, and I am OK with that. And guess what, you won't be either... Do you know why? Because every one of those qualities is subjective. Every single person on earth has a unique definition of what those words mean to them. So stop giving away your power by letting other people define you, judge you, and place you where "they" see fit. Our worth has got to stop coming from external sources, like your boyfriend, husband, parents, and friends. We have got to find value in ourselves, and love ourselves exactly the way we are. That is beautiful! 

My hope is that you see your value and beauty today.

xo,
K

Competition and Women

We live in a highly competitive society. And we encourage competition in our children, whether it be with their siblings, or with their peers. We encourage our children to be competitive in sports, in grades, in appearance, and in abilities. This competition thing can quickly spiral out of control into seriously destructive behavior, especially when we allow it to manifest negativity towards each other and ourselves, such as jealousy and insecurity. This pattern starts out so innocently, but high school may as well be prep school for the cutthroat world, ultimately teaching us how to define ourselves (by societal standards), how to judge, and how to hate.

For some reason, this competition thing is on a different level when it is between women. Women are so judgmental, harsh, critical, snotty, catty, disrespectful, undermining to each other. We can be downright brutal and cruel to fellow women. This behavior has got to stop. Women should have the joy and support that comes with loving and accepting other women as friends.

Let me tell you a story about my neighbor...

Ashleigh moved in right next door to me about  2 years ago. She was a southern belle from Georgia, and she was cute as a button. Not only that, she was a Zumba instructor and had a killer body. And she had a picture perfect family, nice house, cute clothes, and she was always perky/happy. I immediately hated her (kidding). But seriously, deep down, I was suspicious. Nobody can be that perfect, I thought. She secretly must be a real bitch...

Of course, I learned very quickly how wrong I was in my initial judgment.

Over the last few years, I have gotten to know Ashleigh. Ashleigh is not only my neighbor, but she is also a friend. Our families spend time together. Our children attend school together. We have several mutual friends.  And, of course, we Zumba together. If I need anything, from an emergency babysitter or to borrow a cup of flour, I know I can count on Ashleigh. Heck, even if a need a girls night and a shoulder to cry on, I know I can also, count on Ashleigh.

What I quickly discovered about Ashleigh is that she is one of the most genuine people I have ever met. She is real. I have never seen Ashleigh put on a front or pretend to be something she is not. Ashleigh is the kindest, sweetest person I have had the pleasure of knowing. I trust Ashleigh. And let me tell you... the reason that Ashleigh is gorgeous is because she is beautiful on the inside, and she honors her body. She eats healthy and exercises. She earned every right to be beautiful and confident.

My point is that we need to let go of our old mindsets and ideologies, and we need to be aware of all of the Ashleigh's in the world. We have to stop being jealous, critical, judgmental and hateful of other women. We have to start loving and appreciating other women for who they are. We have to start appreciating and accepting the strength other women can offer us. Today, I am blessed to have several amazing relationships with some of the most incredible women. I am really thankful that Ashleigh changed my mind.

K

A Case For Positivity

I consider myself to be a recovering Negaholic. And as I look back on my life, I am saddened by the time and energy I wasted being filled with negativity. It greatly upsets me to see the relationships I ruined and the bridges I have burned, and to see the truth that all along, I was my own worst enemy.

As I have pulled myself slowly from the grips of negativity, the perspective I now have gives me personal insight into this very powerful group of emotions.

When I think of negativity and all that falls under its umbrella, (hate, jealousy, grief, tension, regret, fear, embarrassment, etc.) I can now see that these are strictly earthly elements. These negative emotions are like low-lying fog. Also, I now realize that negativity is actually pretty selfish, and self-serving (or so we think). Negativity is purely ego-driven, and when we operate out of negativity constantly, we really cannot get over ourselves, outside of our own misery. It is like having blinders on to the rest of humanity. It's a very "you vs. me" mentality, instead of "us". Because truly, at the end of the day, we are in this thing called life together; we are all connected.

Think about it: when you are angry or negative, it can completely consume you. You can't think about hardly anything else. And in my experience, the more angry I was about something, the more it took over my mind. The hardest part is that when we are stuck in our fog, it can be impossible to see anything  and believe anything but the fog. Then we start to believe that the world is just completely foggy. Which rationally, we know isn't true. The clouds can cover the sun and blue sky, but it is always there.

Conversely, positive energy vibrates at a higher level. If we consistently choose to operate at a higher level, in which our intentions come from a place of love, joy, peace, hope, understanding, and compassion, the possibilities are endless. We have the power to inspire, to heal, to teach, to guide, and to uplift each other. Yes, here on earth, negativity has a strong pull, like gravity, but it can be overcome ultimately by positivity. Truly positive emotions are the essence of spiritual love, no matter what your beliefs, no matter who your God is.

The good news is that we have the power to lift our own fog. Fog can feel safe to us, especially when that's all we know. It is protection. If we don't let anyone into our world and hurt anyone that comes near, it does keep up protected (and lonely).  Unfortunately, it isn't that easy, and as I know from personal experience, negativity doesn't get us anywhere. I have also learned that it is impossible for me to hold both negativity and positivity in my heart at the same time. And I cannot fulfill my life's purpose filled with bad thoughts and a grim mindset.

Being negative is a personal choice. How do I change this behavior, you ask? I recommend baby steps towards positivity. You will not be perfect 100% of the time, and no one else is either. Focus on your wonderful gifts that make you unique. Make a point to practice gratitude daily, especially in the little things. If you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk (i.e.. I'm too fat, I am not good enough, nobody loves me), divert your attention to something positive, like a good book or good company. And do not talk bad about others. Ever. And most importantly, WHEN you do get off track, don't berate yourself and throw in the towel because you believe you cannot do it. Let it go, and do better the next time, in the next situation.

 I now choose to live positively. No I am absolutely not perfect 100% of the time. But I feel better and believe that I am being the change I wish to see in the world. I am more aware of my impact on my environment and have developed a social conscience. I am also more aware of my abundant blessings. When I take the time to look around me, I am astounded by the love and support that I wasn't aware I had, and I am so grateful that I am not wasting any more of my time and energy on negativity.

K

The Whole Is The Sum Of Its Parts

I had a great conversation this morning with my mother. We got on the topic of happiness and joy. We both have read many times, in many ways, that if you want to be happy, help someone else. I must admit that in my analytical mind, this ideology has never really made complete sense. I have always thought this was, to some degree, BS, or some sort of method to control society with "niceness". Not that I wouldn't and haven't helped people along the way, but in my mind, the correlation between the two had never fully clicked. I guess I had always pictured myself, in my darkest moments, literally volunteering 8 hours a day at a homeless shelter or retirement home, and I always thought, "What good would I be to anyone in this state of mind." I honestly didn't want to subject people to my misery, and felt that in those moments, I had nothing positive to give.

You don't find happiness... Happiness finds you when you finally have the courage to let go of the pursuit of the image of perfection.

It dawned on me during this conversation that I take things way too literally! And somehow, it clicked that the idea behind giving to others to give to yourself really means that we can give goodness, kindness, joy, and peace to others in seemingly insignificant ways in any given moment. I realized that if we can take ourselves out of our ego, and away from our selfish suffering for 5 seconds,  we can look around us, see others that are also suffering, and offer them something good. That is the key to finding happiness.

I know that pain can be highly distracting. It can consume our entire being. And I am talking physical and emotional pain. Just because you can't see an ailment, doesn't mean its not there. And we all have some sort of pain. Some people's is a great deal more intense than others, just as gash isn't as intense as a small cut.

I am definitely not trying to downplay anyone's pain. We could all be more sensitive to the "ailments" of others, physical and emotional. But the underlying lesson is that we are all connected, and our goal is not to shun others, but embrace others. We live in such a crazy busy world that it is so easy to get lost in ourselves and our own drama. But what if we could step outside of that paradigm to help just one other person. It could be as simple as letting someone go ahead in front of you in line at the grocery store, because you obviously see that they are in a hurry. Or you anonymously leave a kind note for someone that you admire. Or a sincere smile for someone that appears to be having a rough day. But don't have expectations of immediate reciprocation of kindness and generosity. But I assure you, you will get it back in other ways and other times, exactly when you need it.

The key to giving to others is to "see" others and yourself in the entire situation. Seek to understand how the whole is the sum of its parts, and realizing that you are one of the "parts". It is about letting go of your ego long enough to be aware of your surroundings, and the potentially positive impact you could have on someone in need (or the negative impact you could have by being unkind and insensitive).

What I mean by "we are all connected" is that we cannot be with those we love (children, spouses, siblings, parents, friends) at all times. And those we love will be out in the world alone, and often. Wouldn't we want those that we love to be treated with kindness and respect by others? Don't we get so angry when those we love are wronged? So shouldn't we treat strangers and acquaintances with kindness and love just like we would want others to do? This process has to start somewhere...I say with you and me, right here and now.

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness."
-James Thurber

K

Advice for the younger me...

As I embark on a new year of my life, I have been reflecting on what has been and what is to come. If I could, I would have let myself in on a few secrets I have learned along my path. I would have told my younger self that in the end, everything is going to be just fine. I would let myself know that I do not have to fight so hard, and that being me is enough. Here are some things I would say to the younger me.

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Question EVERYTHING, not in a disrespectful fashion, but always keep your insatiable thirst for knowledge. Empower yourself, as you are no one else's responsibility but your own. Learn to think for yourself and create your own truth with the application of acquired knowledge. Don't be a victim of brainwashing because you haven't sought out the answers for yourself.

Learn who you are, what you believe, what is important to you, and why it's important. Dig into the depths of your soul to see who you really are, and accept and love yourself wholly. Don't be a bystander in your life. Accept responsibility. Make the positive changes that are within your power. Don't get lost in trying to fix things that you have no control over. Remember that you are real, not fake. You have flaws and that is wonderful, for flaws create character. It will be hard, especially as a woman, to keep your focus on who you really are in the midst of the world's unrealistic pursuit of perfection. That pursuit of perfection is just an image. Inner peace comes from loving yourself in imperfection.

Operate with integrity in all that you do. Be impeccable with your word, which is a lost concept on the modern world.  Honesty breeds trust, and trust is the most basic building block of character. Speak kindly and honestly. Do what you say, say what you mean.

Be patient with yourself. If you look at the cyclical nature of life, we are not meant to move from a newborn to being the best, wisest, most capable adult. Everything we do is the result of learning, practicing, and application. Learn to appreciate the transitional times and find value in all of life's lessons, no matter how difficult. Remember that every place you have been was exactly where you were supposed to be.

Be a gracious winner, and a gracious loser, in all situations.

Practice gratitude everyday. Count your blessing constantly. Gratitude is cleansing for the soul. It shows you that despite where you think you should be, or what you think you should have, you have come so far and are just fine right where you are.

Find the joy in simplicity. Don't take more than you need. And be giving, always. Be aware of yourself and of others, and the impact you are making in this world. Be responsible for that impact.

Travel anywhere and everywhere you can, whether it's across the world or across the state. Seek to understand the place you are visiting, and the people that live there. Be a gracious guest to their community. Take in and appreciate their culture. Traveling creates perspective.

Appreciate beauty anywhere you find it, whether it is in nature or in another's heart. It is there to subtly remind you of what is truly important in life. Never lose your childlike wonder in all things that astound you. If you look hard enough, you can find God's grace everywhere. Continue to be inspired by the amazing fact that everything in this life is so complex, yet so very simple.

Honor what makes you happy, not what the world thinks should make you happy.

There is a season to everything. A season to be young and hot and a season to be wrinkled and wise. Enjoy each season. Don't get ahead of yourself, or left behind. Appreciate your God-given talents and use them for each season of your life.

You will always find what you are looking for. The choices you make today, impact your life tomorrow. Always be aware of the intentions of your heart.

Be patient with others, for they are fighting their own demons. If someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, it doesn't mean they don't love you at all. Love others, but not to the point where you are no longer loving yourself. If people don't value and respect you, you can choose to love them from a distance.

Complaining is absolutely useless. If you don't like something, do something about it.

You don't have to fight so hard. If your intentions are good, and you have action behind your intentions, you will move in the right direction. Don't push so hard, and remember the season thing.

Don't engage in gossip. It creates negativity in the soul.

Where there is fear, there is doubt. Doubt creates negativity, and negativity is toxic to the soul. So when you are fearful, it is your responsibility to seek the answers within yourself to release the fear, instead of becoming consumed with doubt.

Negativity is a highly toxic, contagious virus. But you have the power to control whether or not you catch negativity. Spread love and truth, and eliminate hate. At times, It will be difficult to navigate through the constant false truths and remember who the real enemy is.

You are an emotional being. It is ok to FEEL life. Don't ever try to numb or hide from your emotions, as that leads to problems so big you can't even imagine. Do not be ashamed to be human.

Take care of your body. I don't mean diet to the extreme to be thin, or exercise too much. I mean appreciate the earthly vessel your soul has been given to borrow. Treat it with respect. Listen to what it is saying. Give it what it needs to thrive. You really are what you eat. If you want to be healthy and feel good, do not put crap in and on your body.

And finally, I would tell myself:

You are stronger than you realize. No matter how hard it will be, and the incredible amount of pain you will endure, you shall overcome any obstacle put in front of your. Keep your faith, always.

Much Love,
K

Remember Who You Are

Sometimes (ok, a lot of the time) I catch myself engaging in self-defeating thoughts... You aren't good enough for that. You are definitely not smart enough to ever do that. You aren't strong enough... Blah, blah, blah.

It is so easy in today's world to feel unworthy and lack confidence in our endeavors. It can be difficult to stay focused on our paths. We get so caught up in what we think we should be doing, what we should be thinking, what we should be wearing, what car we should be driving, etc. We live in a world of expectations, and sadly most of the time, I don't think they are our own expectations. There is nothing wrong with having high standards and living by those standards, but it is important to remember who's expectations you are striving for.

And don't shrink down because other people don't agree with how you are living your life and create their own expectations for you. If you are living your truth, and you feel good about it, it is no one else's judgment call to make on how you live your life. People will form their self-righteous opinions about you, and unfortunately that is their God-given right (people have the free will to be jerks). Ignore them, and find people that do support you.

Truth is, we weren't designed to be shrinking violets. We weren't created to simply exist and suffer. We are powerful beyond measure. We are all intelligent, creative, competent beings that have been given special talents and skills that are helpful in our lives to contribute to the greater good. Deep down, we all have something to give to the world, whether it is time, compassion, love, beauty, joy, intellect, peace, etc.

In the past, I spent far too much time worrying about what others thought of me. What a useless thing to do! Even if you are Mother Teresa, some people will still not like you and say mean things. This is just the hateful world we live in.

Now, it matters to me what I think of myself. Am I living truthfully? Am I kind to others? Do I do my best to make others lives better? Am I honest? Am I giving? If I can answer 'yes' to my own moral code of conduct, then it doesn't really matter what anyone thinks. No one really knows what is in your heart but you and your creator, so don't let others with extremely limited knowledge tell you who you are. In the end, we all end up alone, so who cares about the naysayers?  I am getting there...

Live Your Truth,

K

Quality Over Quantity

For many years, I have come to really, really dislike the holidays. Don't get me wrong; I love the sights, smells, and sounds. I love Christmas lights, especially the plain old white ones, traditional and classy. I love the smell of holiday baking. I get a warm, fuzzy feeling when I see houses in my neighborhood decorated beautifully. It makes me feel like a kid again. It is the impending feeling of overwhelming obligation that I despise...

We live in a society in which free thought is definitely not encouraged. We are told how to feel, what to think, what types of possessions we should want for, what food we should buy, etc. To me, the holidays have become a profitable extension of this ideology, some massive marketing machine exploiting the hard-working people of America. And what I have come to realize is that it makes me feel really dirty to contribute to it.

This year, I have a new mindset regarding the holidays. I am choosing to place my focus on what is important to me, which is love and family. I guess I was forced into this mindset against my will, as my health is in no position for me to go into overdrive this holiday season without serious consequences. In fact, I am fighting my first migraine in 4 months as I write this, which I am sure is partially from the stress of the season. Our bodies are very intelligent and capable folks...And after years of the fight or flight response triggered by  constant stress, your body will become extra-sensitive and highly delicate, capable of collapse at the slightest stressor.

This year, I am actually going to enjoy the holiday season, and do what I can to make it enjoyable for others. This year I am finally going for quality over quantity. I have been taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of my lovely surroundings when I visit my local downtown area for errands. I have been enjoying my favorite holiday beverages (dairy-free, of course) from my local coffee shop. I even had a slice of pumpkin pie!

I have gone to extra lengths to make sure my home is comfortable and inviting. It smells of vanilla and pine. I actually sent out Christmas cards to friends and family both far and near to let them know that they are always in our thoughts.

I am even taking a new approach to Christmas shopping. We all have more than we need, which is why all of our crap collects in closets and garages. I don't want to continue to teach my children to take more than they need in this world. I want to make sure that the people I love get items that are useful and something special to make them smile (we all deserve small luxuries!). I have also been doing most of my shopping at local businesses, when I can. I am tired of supporting the Big Box giants of the world. Yes, they may have cheaper prices, but we pay for it somewhere else. I'd rather help support my local economy and keep jobs available for my community.

It's only the first week of December, but since I have relaxed my standards of myself this holiday season, it is already that much more rewarding. I have decided to make my intention about enjoying the holiday season, and remembering what is truly important. And that has made all the difference.

PS - If you can, give this holiday season. Even if it's a dollar. The holidays are like a pep rally for mankind; a glimpse of what we could be all the time, if we all became the loving, giving species we were designed to be. What a perfect time to practice opening your heart!

Much Love,
K

Racism is Alive and Well...

According to Merriam-Webster online, racism is defined as the following:

- a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race


Now I will not speak about racism in the world today. I have been fortunate enough to travel a little, and I have found that far more people are loving and accepting of other races/cultures than not, which is an amazing achievement for the human race. However, in my small world, racism is alive and well. And before any of you get too high and mighty, I can think of people I know from every walk of life that are racist/prejudice. This isn't limited to "white" people, as is the general perception.

A large number of us that have family lineage that has been in America for generations are not strictly "white Europeans". Don't get me wrong...There is nothing wrong with people whom are fair-skinned or Europeans, however, there are people in this country that are still hateful and judgmental towards those that are fair-skinned, thinking they have some sort of huge advantage in society.

I have researched my family history over the last few years. On my mothers side, I can trace my ancestry back to about the 1200s. My mother's lineage includes English, Spanish, Cuban, and Native American. My dad's side was not as easy to trace, as I can only go back a few generations, but his lineage includes Italian and Czech, possibly Jewish. My dad's family has only been in America since the early 1900s.

The unique thing about America is that we are a diverse group of people. We have the most cultures and ethnicities in our country than any other country in the world. And I love REAL diversity. I am not talking about Affirmative Action, which I think is a small-minded idea. I love melding ideologies, traditions, cultures, and elements. If applied in a positive way, diversity can lead to real magic and love in the world, for our different perspectives are what leads to real problem-solving and peace. 

We have this fascination in America of trying to 'police' or judge others, and then having a strong desire to "equalize" based on the perceived advantages/disadvantages of others, which I think lends to the still highly racially charged environment that is current America.

I think the goal should be to move away from the fear we have about people/things we don't understand. We have to remove our judgment and the hate we have been taught by our formative years. We should not continue to be defined by our skin color or culture, but rather by our character. That is what diversity is about. We are all unique. We have different experiences, perspectives, and talents that make us who we are. And we all have something POSITIVE to add to the world, if we can push back our ego, hate, and judgment to let it shine.

We all have our cross to bear. Every one of us is born with advantages and disadvantages. Yes, I have fair skin and blue eyes, but don't think for one second my life is all glitter and butterflies based on my outward appearance. My life has been hard, as many other peoples' lives have been hard. It is in the trials and tribulations that we learn our life lessons, gain insight and wisdom, and ultimately find peace through the love and acceptance of ALL OTHERS, regardless of how they may be different from yourself.

Distance yourself from small-minded, hateful people. You can still love them, but don't continue to engage with their BS. This just perpetuates the problem...

Stop the hate,
K

Recovering Negaholic

I have been thinking a lot lately about positive vs negative, good vs evil, bad vs good, yin vs yang, knowledge vs wisdom...You get the point. I am recently extremely fascinated by the dualism of life.

I no longer work in "Corporate America" after a decade of the grind. And I no longer live a "conventional" life. I work when I feel energized to work, I play when I need a break, and I rest when I am tired. This shift in my lifestyle isn't by choice, so before you start judging, understand that my life was so unbalanced that it almost killed me. And I fought, hard, to be the old me. And I lost.

In my new life, I don't have to go grocery shopping during "rush hour". I did, however, run to the grocery store last night for dinner ingredients. I forgot how powerful it can be to be in close proximity to such negativity (ie-anywhere in the US after a long day's work). As I was driving to the store, I was the recipient of frustration from a pissed of driver. At the store, again I was the recipient of anger and frustration. The old me would have gotten defensive, with a "what's your problem" response. The new me, the Recovering Negaholic, realizes that it has nothing to do with me, I am just the target in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was only at the grocery store 30 minutes, but I felt angry and frustrated. Yuck!

I have been seeing a lot lately about the impact of negative emotions. I know, I know...Here I go with some abstract opinion about how we can manifest what we want through our positive thoughts, right? No!

I have read the Secret, watched the movie. I have read probably 50 books on psychology, happiness, relationships, love, etc. We are all looking for something to help us. But the idea that we can "manifest" winning the lottery, or whatever, always was a little out there for me. But let me just share this idea with you:

As we experience life, our unconscious (subconscious) records thoughts and feelings, and most of the fundamental unconscious thoughts and feelings (trust vs mistrust, autonomy vs shame and doubt, and initiative vs guilt) happen BEFORE THE AGE OF 6!! That means that at the heart of our persuasion, we are pretty much our 6 year old self running around in an adult body. Man, does that explain a lot about some guys I have dated! All kidding aside, It is also estimated that 95% of our unconscious thoughts and feelings repeat 24 hours a day. You have probably heard the term "tapes". Dr. Phil uses this term often. This is what he is talking about. Your brain is unconsciously controlling your life, for the better, or for the worse.

The unconscious mind is where MOST of the work gets done. Sucks that we can't control that, huh? The unconscious mind is the source of our hidden beliefs, fears, and attitudes that interfere with our everyday life (Psychology Today). It is also the source of our creativity, intuition, inspiration, and inner knowing. And it far more complex than we are consciously aware of. This is why you sometimes "know things" or have strange dreams, or accomplish something you didn't think you could. Your unconscious mind, from time to time, will say, "It's ok... I've got this!"

Now let's talk about energy. Energy is a usable and measurable power or force. And since you live on planet Earth (gravity is an energy) and you probably pay an electric bill every month, I think it's safe to say that we all believe in energy. Do you believe that your emotions, thoughts, and feelings have energy? Do you get jittery when you are excited? Why do you think you want to sleep when you are depressed? That is energy, or lack of energy.

I did a little research about the energy surrounding emotions. I found that our thoughts form electromagnetic waves, which are forms of energy. Furthermore, the concept of empathy (sharing another's feelings) has been studied for hundreds of years. So are feelings contagious? I think this is a very real possibility. 

If  both positive and negative emotions are contagious, that explains a hell of a lot about the current state of our world. We are collectively a bunch of negative, unhappy individuals, and we are just spreading it around, like a virus. Evolutionary speaking, negative emotions are more powerful and contagious because back in the day we had to defend ourselves against tigers and other men, or whatever. We had to be able to sense danger and fear for protection. Yet, here we are in 2014, and we seemingly haven't evolved out of that state of perpetual fear and danger.

I understand that most of us do not have the freedom to eliminate or stay away from negativity. Be conscious of it, and don't contribute to it. You can change the destiny of your inner child, and collectively, we can all stop being jerks to each other.

Peace,
K