Life's a Beach

I write this from a bungalow in Playa Grande, Costa Rica. Our quaint bungalow is nestled in the jungle, a short walk from the beach. This tiny town on the Pacific Coast is known for its leatherback turtles and surfing. It is not a crazy resort town, a top destination for spring break, like Cancun. My husband and I decided to take one last relaxing trip, sans dogs and kids. We were in search of some "us" time.

One of the things I love most about my husband is his zeal for life. He is so easy going, and always up for whatever life has to offer. He is older than me, yet he is a kid at heart, so playful and happy. This lesson he continues to teach me, to fully appreciate life, has been one of greatest gifts I have ever received.

I, for one, have had an ongoing love affair with the ocean since the first time i saw it. It is so symbolic of the embodiment of Mother Nature. The ocean is so big, so powerful, and demands so much respect. But yet the ocean is so peaceful, so nuturing, so tranquil.  It's smell is so alluring to me. I love the sound of the waves crashing. I could spend hours lost in myself, staring at wave after wave, in almost a trance-like state.

Yesterday, my husband and I were at the beach. For hours. And I did something that I haven't done since I was a child. I actually played. I played in the water like a 5 year old. i jumped and splashed and swam. My husband and I chased and dived under the waves. We laughed and laughed. It was amazing.

Ok, so I played in the ocean. Big deal, right? But this is huge for me. I glanced at our towels and bags on the beach a few times. The old me would have had my fat, pasty white ass on that towel, on the beach. I would have told myself "I need a tan before..." Or "I don't look good enough in my swim suit" or whatever dumb excuse I used to hold myself back from truly experiencing life. And I probably would have been on that towel for most of our trip, until I was tan enough or whatever.

Truth is, we are our own worst enemies. We can be downright awful to ourselves. I personally am working diligently in removing aspects of myself that are no longer useful. It isn't useful for me to beat myself up over my fair skin or my 20 extra pounds. I'm not going to wait for "ideal" circumstances to start enjoying life. Will some people talk behind my back? You betcha,  but that is their shortcoming, not mine. I've already pissed away 32 years trapped in the fear/shame cycle.

Somewhere along the way, we lose our childlike wonder and enthusiasm. What a shame, for I am beginning to see this is what life is about, wonder and enthusiasm. I always want to be in amazement of life and be eager to experience it. I do not believe we were put on earth to suffer in misery, especially self-imposed misery. Who made up that rule? I guess I have always been somewhat of a rule breaker...

Pura Vida, Amigos!

K