The Whole Is The Sum Of Its Parts

I had a great conversation this morning with my mother. We got on the topic of happiness and joy. We both have read many times, in many ways, that if you want to be happy, help someone else. I must admit that in my analytical mind, this ideology has never really made complete sense. I have always thought this was, to some degree, BS, or some sort of method to control society with "niceness". Not that I wouldn't and haven't helped people along the way, but in my mind, the correlation between the two had never fully clicked. I guess I had always pictured myself, in my darkest moments, literally volunteering 8 hours a day at a homeless shelter or retirement home, and I always thought, "What good would I be to anyone in this state of mind." I honestly didn't want to subject people to my misery, and felt that in those moments, I had nothing positive to give.

You don't find happiness... Happiness finds you when you finally have the courage to let go of the pursuit of the image of perfection.

It dawned on me during this conversation that I take things way too literally! And somehow, it clicked that the idea behind giving to others to give to yourself really means that we can give goodness, kindness, joy, and peace to others in seemingly insignificant ways in any given moment. I realized that if we can take ourselves out of our ego, and away from our selfish suffering for 5 seconds,  we can look around us, see others that are also suffering, and offer them something good. That is the key to finding happiness.

I know that pain can be highly distracting. It can consume our entire being. And I am talking physical and emotional pain. Just because you can't see an ailment, doesn't mean its not there. And we all have some sort of pain. Some people's is a great deal more intense than others, just as gash isn't as intense as a small cut.

I am definitely not trying to downplay anyone's pain. We could all be more sensitive to the "ailments" of others, physical and emotional. But the underlying lesson is that we are all connected, and our goal is not to shun others, but embrace others. We live in such a crazy busy world that it is so easy to get lost in ourselves and our own drama. But what if we could step outside of that paradigm to help just one other person. It could be as simple as letting someone go ahead in front of you in line at the grocery store, because you obviously see that they are in a hurry. Or you anonymously leave a kind note for someone that you admire. Or a sincere smile for someone that appears to be having a rough day. But don't have expectations of immediate reciprocation of kindness and generosity. But I assure you, you will get it back in other ways and other times, exactly when you need it.

The key to giving to others is to "see" others and yourself in the entire situation. Seek to understand how the whole is the sum of its parts, and realizing that you are one of the "parts". It is about letting go of your ego long enough to be aware of your surroundings, and the potentially positive impact you could have on someone in need (or the negative impact you could have by being unkind and insensitive).

What I mean by "we are all connected" is that we cannot be with those we love (children, spouses, siblings, parents, friends) at all times. And those we love will be out in the world alone, and often. Wouldn't we want those that we love to be treated with kindness and respect by others? Don't we get so angry when those we love are wronged? So shouldn't we treat strangers and acquaintances with kindness and love just like we would want others to do? This process has to start somewhere...I say with you and me, right here and now.

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness."
-James Thurber

K