Mother Teresa

My big point of meditation has been what are the big spiritual lessons we are here to learn. What is this thing called life really for? This may sound radical, but I don't believe we are here to suffer. I don't believe we are here to self-destruct as people, as a species, as a planet. I believe we are here to overcome our circumstances, to rise above our obstacles, to walk the Refiner's Fire. We are here to experience these spiritual lessons in human form. So I have asked God, many times, to really know the whys. I asked for it. So when seemingly bad things happen, I now try to look for the lesson. I figure the quicker I learn the lessons, the less painful it will be. Ok, God, I'm listening...

So my recurring situation/feeling/lesson is how to cope with high levels of negativity in those that I love around me. The modern word for this is toxic people. I hate this label because it's so nasty sounding. And unless we are a modern saint, we all carry some level of anger/hate/negativity/prejudice. It's part of the human experience, part of the grand lesson. We all get damaged, and then thru love, we become whole again. I have a soft spot in my heart for people that are hurting, as most of us do. I am one/have been one of those people. BUT, I have a huge problem when hurt people feel it's ok to put their pain on others or reactively lash out at anyone and everyone that so much as flinches. The more hurting you are as a person, the more sensitive those wounds will be. BUT, at no point does that give us permission to "hit" back.

So back to those wounds... When we spend so much time trying to protect those wounds, we end up closing ourselves off, from the people we love, to the blessings available to us. You know what's funny, some of the most negative people I know also have the biggest hearts. And negativity is hard to break; you have to make a conscious effort, constantly. We have to heal our wounds, and move forward in love.

Here is an excerpt from my journal on 4/16/14:
"I feel like I have a huge heart. I want to love everything and everyone. I love to love, because love feels good. I wish life was always warm and fuzzy, filled with unicorns and roses, and all the other clichés. So let me rephrase: I think the lesson is learning how to love without getting hurt."

I forgot all about that entry. And this very topic has been on my heart so much this week. So, well played God, well played. I would now edit the lesson to being: Learning how to love without becoming too wounded to participate in life. Or, Learning how to love without getting or giving hurt. Anyway, you get the idea... Become Mother Teresa.

I have a feeling this is a big lesson. That's a tall order. First, I have to own my negativity, be responsible for my energy, and not put that on anyone else. I am not Mother Teresa yet, so I have to protect myself, to some degree, from others' negativity. Yes, I want to save the world with love but I can't do it if the other party in any given relationship fights me tooth and nail on the love thing. I HAVE to keep love in my heart. I HAVE to. It's my only hope, the secret to my salvation. There are other people that want love, they want the love I have to give, and they reciprocate that love. It's an awesome feeling to have that. To have a family, circle, a tribe of friends picked so perfectly for me, yet so diverse and widespread. It's my personal story, my own funny sitcom. I can't waste my precious time on negativity. We are called to love. We were created to love. Turn the other cheek. Don't lash out when people hurt you, but be sure to ALWAYS give your love to those that love you back!

xo,
K