I am not here to bullshit anyone, and I am not going to lie. Yes, I try to keep a positive attitude about life, trying to see the humor and irony, instead of focus on the pain. But shit happens, and we all have bad, bad days. I am not perfect, nor are those around me. We are all human.
So I have had a particularly bad last few days. The details don't really matter. It is the same of what you are going through, I am sure: family drama, financial stress, disease, death, unnecessary drama, work, etc.
I woke up this morning under a dark cloud. I woke up aware of this, not really liking it too much, and not sure how I was going to "fix" it. I made some tea, took a hot bath, and put on my war paint. I decided to drive down to the local bike path which is along a peaceful creek, and took my dog for a long walk. Luckily it wasn't very crowded down on that path because I sang while I walked. It felt awesome.
I took my sweet pup home, got her some water, and drove into our little downtown area. I am not sure why, but I feel good when I am in our old part of town. There are so many cute local businesses: bakeries, coffee shops, restaurants, salons, and clothing stores. It's just so quaint! One of the shops I love is like a permanent "craft fair", with booths set up by local vendors, and it's a mix of antiques, gifts, handmade items, and clothes. They happen to sell my favorites candles, and I just ran out of mine yesterday. So I went and bought my favorite candle. I picked up a few greeting cards, as I like to have cards on hand for the right occasion. Then I strolled down to the corner to the local coffee shop, and ordered my favorite treat, a green tea latte.
One of the cards I bought, I specifically picked out for my best friend. She lives in another state, and we don't get to see each other, or even speak to each other as often as we would like. I didn't have any specific intention in the card; it was more of a simple hello.
As I started to write, I began thanking her for her friendship of over 20 years. I guess I had never thought about how much that had meant to me. You see, my best friend and I lived a few streets away from each other as children, and we met riding the bus together. I remember the first time we met. She was sweet, kind, and beautiful. And she was nice to me, which I wasn't so used to, especially at that age.
I wasn't the cutest kid. I was overweight. I had bad skin and teeth. I didn't dress well. I had a bit of a rough edge. I was a little too smart and way too socially awkward. Jessie was beautiful, cultured (as much as you can be at that age), had nice clothes, and was artistic. She sang so beautifully, and I couldn't even play a recorder. When I met Jessie, it was like she saw the person I was capable of being, that no one else saw. She has always loved me for exactly who I am and the person I have the potential to be, and she would never let me fail. We have definitely had bumps in the road of our friendship, but those bumps made our bond even that much stronger. She loved me when I felt unlovable, unworthy. What a profoundly valuable lesson.
Jessie and I get to see each other a few times a year. On a visit to my house a few years ago, she had left a pair of earrings by accident. I called her, and she wasn't too upset about forgetting the earrings. She said, "No worries, I'll get from you next time I am out there." She never did ask for those earrings back.
When I am having a bad day, I put in her earrings and I feel like I have a part of her there with me. I texted her a pic of myself wearing her earrings this morning. She responded with the fact that she wears my bracelet...Huh, I don't even know what bracelet she is talking about, because obviously I am not missing it. And I realize that is because I don't need the bracelet, she does. Just like I need the earrings.
Jessie recently bought her first home. I realize I never got her a housewarming gift. Bad friend! So I leave the coffee shop and head back down to the Candle store. I instantly see a handmade kitschy angel wall decoration. The colors are muted and soft. The angel is, well, angelic and sweet. It reminds me of Jessie. I think of her as being so kind, soft-hearted, warm, loving, deeply creative, and wonderfully passionate about life. I keep looking around the shop and stumble upon a LARGE black and white metal sign with a meaningful quote about life. It says something about clouds and silver linings. And then it dawns on me that these two things I am drawn to in this store are the yin and yang of our friendship. She is the warm, soft, kind angel, and I am the hard-edged, loud, abrasive, screaming sign. I decide to buy the sign instead of the angel. I haven't seen her new place yet, but I can imagine how serene and warm it is. But now she has no choice to hang a loud, edgy reminder of me on her new wall.
I love you +Jessie Hebert!
K
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